Linggo, Agosto 21, 2011

SCRIPTED


Kung ang pluma ng aking panulat ay makapagdidikta ng mangyayari sa hinaharap, bakit ko pa pahihirapan ang sarili ko. Ang magiging problema ko na lang, ay ang pagsulat, hindi naman ako pinagpala ng talento para dito. Pero sa kabilang banda, mabuti na rin pala na walang mahikang dala ang panulat, at sana hindi na rin ito maibento. Dahil kung lahat magkakaroon ng panulat na iyon, hinala ko, lahat ng tao sa mundo ay may propesyon na ; lahat sila ay manunulat na. Masaya naman ang buhay, kahit pa nga hindi lahat ng nangyayari ay gusto mo, walang “script”ang buhay, sabi nga ng isa kong kaibigan,na naging dahilan kaya malayang nagaganap ang lahat. At iyon ang isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit espesyal ang bawat buhay, dahil walang nakakaalam ng “ending” sa pelikula ng bawat isa.
Pluma lang ang tema, hanggang sa pinaanod ko ang salitang pelikula. Hindi ko naman gustong buksan ang pinto patungo sa kursong kinukuha ko, pero yun talaga ang pakay ko. ‘’Mass Communication” ang pinili kong kurso matapos ang apat na taon ng paggawa ng kalokohan sa sekondarya at anim na taon ng pagtitiis sa sermon ng aking ina sa elementarya. Mabanggit ko lamang ang aking ina na walang patid sa kanyang pagmimisa tuwing araw ng pagsususlit. Tanda ko pa noon na “torture” ang pagpasok ko sa eskwela. Kaya naman mas masaya ang buhay ko noong hayskul. Ngunit nagpapasalamat naman ako  dahil sa kasesermon ng aking ina, marami akong natutunan at napatunayan kong tama sya.
Sa libo-libong kurso bakit nga ba ito pa ang kinuha ko?
Sa panahon na nagtapos ako ng hayskul, sumiklab noon ang kursong “nursing” kung tawagin. Sa propesyong ito sa linya ng medisina, madali daw ang pangingibang bansa. Mabuti na lang wala sa plano ko ang magsilbi sa bansa ng iba. At isa pa sabi nila ay maganda daw ang may “Dr.” sa unahan ng pangalan, sabi ko naman, “Aanhin ko ang mahabang pangalan, kung ang layunin ko ay mag-ibang bansa? Mabuti pang nagtungo ako sa Recto at nagpagawa ng bagong kasulatan ng kapanganakan, palalagyan ko ng “Dr.” sa unahan, ganun din yun kung ang pakay ko ay mapadpad lamang sa lupain ng mga banyaga. Pinangarap kong maging guro, pero nasa isip ko ang responsibilidad sa pamilya. Kailangan ko ng propesyon na makatutustos sa kinabukasan ng iba ko pang kapatid at hindi yun kakayanin ng pagtuturo. Naging makasarili siguro ako sa desisyong iyon, pero may dahilan ang lahat.
Bakit Mass Comm pa? Ano bang meron ang kursong ito?
Sa totoo lang, hindi ko din alam kung ano talaga ang kursong ito bago ko kinuha. Hindi sapat ang nalalaman ko, ang alam ko lang ay maraming mapupuntahang lugar sa propesyong ito, ang akala ko mamasyal lang at magsasaya. Makakakilala pa ng maraming tao, tulad ng mga nagbabalita sa telebisyon na kung saan-saan nakakarating. At natutuwa ako sa mga nagsasalita sa radyo na kung tawagin ay “Disc Jokeys”. Lingid sa aking kaalaman, malaking produksyon pala ang nasa likod ng bawat matagumpay na palabas na napapanood ko at sa mga bagay na naririnig ko.
Maraming tao na minamaliit lang ang kursong ito.  Parang ako lang dati. Hindi yung kurso, pero yung propesyon mismo. Mahilig akong magbigay ng negatibong bagay tungkol sa mga pelikulang kulang sa mga “effects” di tulad sa ibang bansa. Mahilig ako magkumpara sa napakaraming bagay, na hindi man lang iniisip kung paano iyon nabuo at pinaghirapan. Palibhasa, panunuod lang ang ginagawa ko.
Ngunit sa tatlong taon na pananatili ko sa kursong ito, lalo ko itong minamahal, at walang maaaring magsabi na madali lang ang propesyon na ito. Para sa nakararami, kapag ang kurso mo ay kinakailanagan ng “Board Exam” o kahit anong “Licensure Exam”, maganda ang kursong iyon at sabi nga nila ay may laban. Di tulad ng mga “b-Degree”, hindi kagalingan. Sana naisip nila na hindi lahat ng galing sa papel makikita. May mga talino, kakayahan at katangian na sa aktwal na paggawa matatagpuan. Sa katunayan, mas mahirap pa, dahil siguradong hindi ka maaring tumulad sa iba.
Mahirap ang propesyong ito kapag hindi mo sineryoso. Pagmamahal sa ginagawa at determinasyon, yun lang ang rekado para mahuli ang tamang timpla.
Maraming gawain, walang panahon para gumawa ng kalokohan. Paggawa ng mga “short films”, magtayo ng sariling “photo exhibit”, sumulat ng mga balita, makipag-usap sa mga di kakilala, magbigay ng tulong sa mga produksyon at napakarami pang iba. At hindi lahat ng ginagawa sa kursong ito ay gusto ko, minsan kailangan. Pero lahat ng bagay natututunan. Tulad na lang ng pagsulat. Hindi ko naman talaga kinaiinisan ang pagsususlat, ang hindi ko gusto ay ang pagharap sa “Deadliest Deadline”. Pero kasama talaga sa buhay-estudyante ang mga ganitong bagay.
Lingid sa aming kamalayan, unti-unting nahuhubog ang tunay naming mga kakayahan. Unti-unti ay natutunan namin ang tunay na kahalagahan ng aming kurso, na kung iisipin ng mabuti ay kalahok pala sa araw-araw na gawain
Ngayon na alam kong hindi pala ito madali, hindi ko rin masasabi ang buhay sa kurso ng iba, hanggat hindi ko pa ito nararanasan. At masasabi kong, walang madaling kurso sa kolehiyo, pero walang mahirap sa pag-aaral para sa taong masipag.
Kung makapagbigay ako ng mga kataga, animoy nakatapos na ako ng pag-aaral. May pinagkukunan lamang ako lalo pa at nasa ikatlong taon na ako. Masyado ng matagal sa kursong ito para hindi pa malaman ang mga bagay-bagay na mahirap at madali.
At sa pagdaan ng mga araw, lumalalim din ang nais kong gawin, ang nais kong marating. Alam kong tama ang kinuha kong kurso.
Kung noon gusto ko lang na basta makarating sa kung saan-saan, at makita nag sarili ko sa telebisyon. Ngayon, gusto kong maging tao sa likod ng mga produksyon. Maging isa sa mga taong ipinagmamalaki ang kanilang propesyon at hindi naghahangad na basta lamang magpahayag ng balita sa telebisyon o marinig ang kanilang tinig sa radyo, kundi mga taong kapag nawala, ay mawawalan na rin ng magandang produksyon.
Noon, isa sa mga dahilan ko ang pagkita, pero ngayon, higit na matimbang ang serbisyo. Tulad din ng isang buong maghapon. Maaaring kumita ka ng halaga na kailangan mo, na magagamit mo sa maghapon at tutugon sa iyong pangangailangan, pero ang serbisyong itinulong mo, higit pa sa buong maghapon ang magagawa, maaari itong maging sanhi ng magandang kinabukasan hindi lang para sayo kundi para sa nakararami.
Nabanggit ko ang “deadline”. Sa katunayan, ang “deadline”, hindi naman nauubos at natatapos. Lahat ay mayroon. Kahit nga ang sarili nating mga buhay at kwento. Ngunit para maging makasaysayan ang ating mga kwento, kailangan natin itong paghirapan, di man alinsunod sa script na nasa imahinasyon mo, basta’t kaloob ito ng langit, asahan mong maihahayag ito sa paraang di mo inaasahan pero magugustuhan mo at makakabuti hindi lamang sayo.At sa pagakakataong ito, ay tinatapos ko ang yugto para sa artikulong ito.

ESKAPO


He’s not my dream man, but he’s always in my dreams. If he is a nightmare, then he is the sweetest. I’m no queen if I chose him, but through his eyes, diamonds are seen. I loved him wise but he knocked me twice.
Hater’s Love
Way back the days of fun, juvenile, enjoyment, immaturity and all that is crazy, I met my first love. I repeat my “FIRST LOVE”. How we met is unenviable. He is my classmate and my cousin’s best friend. Literally speaking, he’s not pleasing to eyes. You can accuse me of being exaggerated and judgmental. Yes, I know that I’m not that pretty and perfect to be so hypercritical but he is really is worse. He’s tall, thin, dark, grimy, rude, looks illeterate and ungentle. The space for a new pimple is rare. I’m horrific. I just want everything to be the way it is. Hate me with my first impression with him, “Even he’s the last guy on earth, girls still won’t flirt.”  Now, picture him in your head. He’s not a prince charming, but not as bad looking as a monster; he’s just not that pleasing at all.
Since he is my cousin’s best friend, he used to call me “best friend” too. Though we’re not close, I don’t even know his first name. Yes, not his first name, I call him with his last, because in our class that’s the way people are calling each other’s name. For the first time he called me “best friend”, I explained that we can never be best friends. I don’t know what’s with the head of this guy but he refused with my plea and I walked out. I don’t know if he really wanted to make friends with me or he just wanted to annoy me because he’s not as busy as I am. Neither of the two reasons, I don’t mind. What’s clear in my head is that I don’t like him and I will never come to like him.
Negative charges
I established a strong personality within our class. That’s what I believed in. boys used to hate me, because they say I looked like hard to deal with, unfriendly, boastful, overconfident and weird. The truth is that, I don’t like to make friends with the opposite sex. But I don’t hate them; I’m not a man hater for I love my father so much, and my grandfathers and so as my uncles. I’m just avoiding to be close to them.The thing is that I’m just building a wall against boys, because they are hindrances to success; if I’ll be in a so called commitment; for boys are “negative charges” that can drag us girls down. Broken hearts can ruin lives and burry dreams.
The techniques that boys are using to win a girl’s heart are very common. They will first friend the girl, get close with them and then with one snap, weak girls will say “yes”. And what is next? The very usual thing that parents thinks all the time, “early, unwanted pregnancy”. It’s a pleasure for the boys, pressure for the girls. I’m not talking about “all” the boys, but most of them. You may say that I am overstated but that’s life and it is real. I’m just protecting myself. It’s better taking preventions than working with alternatives and alibis.


Love is not Hello
Words are powerful. Love is a word, but not an ordinary word. You should mean when you say you love a person or a thing. And this simple word can be a glory, a magic or wealth. On the other side, love can also be destructive, fallacious or disease. It is not as usual as saying “hello” to everybody; it can drive one’s life. But love is not a feeling but an attitude. Feelings come and go. It might be bitter in your ears but true.
Story of Us
Going back with John Aris Diaz Flores, my first love and probably the best thing I never had, and I never regret for not having him. He is a man of too many words and can express himself well. He is a musician and a very good man of numbers.  We are very much different. He loves dog, I hate pets. He loves math, I love words. He loves to chill out rather than doing productive things. I hate when a day just passed by without accomplishing anything. I believe that this world is ironic. With the saying that, “The more you hate, the more you love”, that is what happened to us. I hate him, he hates me too, but we fell. Yes, “we”, as in he loves me too. I’m just not sure if he loved me the way I did.
When did I come to notice it? When I started telling stories that is all about him. I missed him when his not around. He ruins my day but ironically, my day would suck if he’s not around. He barks like a dog when he wants to annoy me, but I missed his voice when he ignores me. How painful love for me is. I’m trying to ignore what I’m feeling but it’s kind of weird that the more I try to vanished this thing within me, is the more it grows. All these happened unconsciously.
But then, since I’m in a middle of calamity thinking about what I have for him, I kept on denying it within me. I’m forcing and convincing my self that it’s not what they thought. But what I’m trying to do within me seems to reflect with my surrounding. People around us are intriguing us. But we kept our selves quite. Until one day a message from him came to my phone. We chatted, and words came out. But I told him, “It’s not the perfect time for this, let’s be just friends.” I broke him, and I shattered myself. You might say “sayang” but its part of growing up. (sigh)
I actually thought that things like this only happen on televisions for soap operas or movies, in fairy tale books and other fictional stuffs. But just like any other love stories in real life, not all of them have the “happy ending concept”.
The other girl
Two weeks after that heart trembling scene of chatting and revealing of our mutual understanding, he knocked me with spreading the news of having a “girlfriend”. I ignore it, no. I try to ignore it. But still it reigns. I just focused on what should be done. Since I’m hurt, I need a lot of stuffs to think about and work on. I join contest and I study hard. I get busy and I decided that I moved on. (HOORAY!)
After a month, his girlfriend approached me and talked to me. She’s crying and telling me that he wanted Aris so much that she can’t imagine life without him. I’m disgusted. Why should she say that? She explains, “You’re the other girl”. Shocked I am. But what can I do? By that time, again, I feel loved though not directly stated; think what you want, accused me of being selfish, but what I felt is magic. The next month they broke up. But I never coached Aris to choose me over her, and so I am the “other girl”.

Round two: Knocked Out!
February, here comes the “Prom Night”. He met another girl, Gretchen. They’ve been good friends and closer than what I expected. And by this time, I’m drawn. She’s smart, pretty, sweet and loveable. Aris is madly in love with Gretchen. And the Prom Night burns me. It left me with memories of pains and sorrows. The prom night became their night. Gretchen finally accepted Aris as his boyfriend.
The worst is that, it’s my fault. I introduce Gretchen to Aris a month before the prom night. She’s a friend of mine. And she admitted that she likes Aris, so I introduced her. I never thought that it will close the doors for me. It was like a dare for Aris’s part. I thought he still is into me, but he’s not. And so it’s a burden.
But I’m not weak. Not for this. Happily, I moved on. That’s for sure. I am blessed with so many good people around me. And thus, I learned and became stronger.
As of now, we’re friends, we still meet when I’m home in Cavite, we jamm with common friends, why not? We didn’t have any commitment. We’re young and fell, but life is too short to be wasted with the past. We’re here and dealing with our own lives. We are both happy and contented.
With my words “I never had but never regret”, it’s because I believe that what’s yours is yours, no matter what. And so as I repeat, he is my “first love”, I’m heading for my “next romance”.